Inside Delirium

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Anti-Bobby Flay Ring

Delirium (di lir` iem) n. a condition of the mind, as during insanity, in which one is restless and keeps thinking and talking wildly.
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November 19, 2000

Very Blendershoe Cellular

Well, basically, I'm a bit ticked off at the phone. More specifically, the annoyoing freaks who insist on terrorizing me with it. Yeah, that's right... the dreaded telemarketer. The scourge of evil. Bah...
Ring, ring. It's the cluephone. Answer it.


"Yeah, Mr. (mispronounces name). I'd like to interrupt your dinner to sell you useless crap. Stuff that you don't need, and things that are otherwise relegated to the world of 3am infomercials."

"Sorry, I can't talk right now. I don't have a phone."

"Excuse me?"

"Listen, I can't talk right now. I don't have a phone."



A winning tactic. Try it sometime.

Ring, ring. Cluephone again, people. Grudgingly answer it.


{recorded message}"Hi, it's Donna. It's been a long time since we've talked, but I have some exciting financial news..."

"Shutup, remove this number from your list!"

{recorded message, oblivious}"about your future. Call me back at my own private number for the exciting information and a personalized reading. And remember, since this is a private line, I'd appriciate if you wouldn't tell your friends about this number."

"I don't fall for reverse psychology, jack@ss. And REMOVE THIS NUMBER FROM YOUR LIST!!"


Apparently, telemarketers like to ignore the law. They are SUPPOSED to actually remove the number. But alas, the request often goes unheard. &*$*!*(!


Ring, Ring.


"Hi, Sue"

"Hi, Jane. How's it going?"

"Pretty well, and you? What are you doing?"

"Oh, not much. Driving down the freeway at 70 miles an hour with one hand on the wheel. Actually, I'm paying more attention to you than the road."

"Sounds boring."

"It is... CRAP!!!"

"What happened?"

"Almost got into an accident. Guy swerved out of my way and into the divider"

"Is he ok?"

"What does it matter? I've got to go now, I'll be there in 10 minutes."



People on the road should NOT be talking on the phone. Do not test Darwin, folks.

One final thing I'd like to ramble about: Sprint PCS. "The CLEAR alternative to cellular." Cripes, don't people realize that it is STILL cellular service they are buying? Can't Sprint be sued for false advertising or something?

Ooops, I have a call waiting. Can you hold on?
{two hours later} Oh? You're still here? Sorry I forgot about you, but geez -- you have no life. Do you really like 80's music that much?

Posted by bard at November 19, 2000 10:24 AM

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