Inside Delirium

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Anti-Bobby Flay Ring

Delirium (di lir` iem) n. a condition of the mind, as during insanity, in which one is restless and keeps thinking and talking wildly.
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May 29, 2001

An Ode To Midterms

Midterms, midterms everywhere.
Midterms, midterms rip out my hair.
Midterms, midterms cause only dispair.
Midterms, midterms I think I'm f*cked...

Posted by ladyx at 01:51 AM | Comments (2)

May 19, 2001

Breakfast: Most important meal my @ss.

So, everybody wakes up. My mother starts making breakfast, consisting of sausage, eggs, and bacon.
I notice that the sausage she has gotten out is not meant for breakfast, but rather for a sandwhich. I tell her this, but she presses on. She talks to my uncle a lot (her brother) during preparation... and apparently lets seran wrap melt on to the bacon. Now, I'm no expert in the art of frying bacon or anything, but seran wrap? Why? Just fry the stuff up. Now, not only do we not have sausage for breakfast, the bacon is not safe to eat. On the bright side, the eggs are good. Right amount of cheese. Good consistancy. I'm thankful the eggs turned out well, else I'd have nothing to eat.

However, I am not thankful to any diety for producing this meal. I recognize that it was the bird that layed the egg that I am currently eating, not something that magically appeared, thanks to "God". This does not seem to matter to anybody else, and my mother starts praying. And this is where I make my fatal mistake...
I mumble something about "you pray, I don't". My reverand uncle seems like he's about to flip, but he restrains himself. He tells me "Let's hope this behavior doesn't come back to haunt you". Well, screw him. What does he care? My faith or lack thereof is none of your business, nor is yours any of mine.
Then he tells me "You should read..." and rattles off a list of 5-6 books dealing with my family's faith. I'm like "no thanks". Luckily, he left it at that.

Lesson learned: Never admit you don't believe in a reverand's faith; they'll try mercilessly to convert you.

Posted by bard at 09:09 AM | Comments (0)

May 18, 2001

Just a quick update...

As it turns out, my uncle isn't as bad as I was expecting. He's basically left me alone. Whew. Guess I overreacted a bit. 'Till next time...

Posted by bard at 10:11 PM | Comments (0)

Dating 101

Welcome class to Dating 101. The first lesson in dating is to never give your business card out to some chick you see in Wal-Mart and say "Let's have dinner" assuming that because your card says you're a lawyer she'll be impressed enough to date a loser who picks up chicks in Wal-Mart. She might just be psychotic enough to post your card on a blog and make you look like a real moron. Why do men choose to assault women who are minding their own business in public places with their swarmy, egotistical, dorky lines? That being said, since he may in fact be a lawyer and I don't know the legal precedent for the online ousting moronic 30-something pervs who freely distribute their business cards to unsuspecting women who look like 16 year old girls, I'll blurb out the important stuff. If I were a real biatch I'd post his number to, but alas, I'm too nice. However, I will leave enough so that if you know the guy, you will recognize his card and you can laugh at him to his face.

No, I'm not trying to say I'm pretty and point out that guys come onto me. I don't think I am. I think I just look easy :-p I'm trying to educate any man out there who reads this and thinks this is the way to get girls. It's pathetic, uncomfortable and makes me feel like crap the entire rest of the day. Thanks to all of you who do it.

"But" you say "I need more than the card to laugh at him! What did he do?". I think that the obvious of being losery enough to accost me in Wal-mart is plenty, but I'll give you the details. First of all, I was waiting by the checkout for my mom to come back from the vision center and he came charging down the aisle so I moved over and looked away. I assumed he was a maniac. I was right, of course. "You didn't have to move" he said "I wasn't going to hit you" and then I *knew* he was a maniac and looked away even farther at which time he placed his card in my hand. I looked at it, refusing to make eye contact with him and he said "lets have dinner sometime". I sneered up my nose and said "whatever".

Yeah, I do admit that was bitchy on my part. But, come on! I never know what to say when some scary guy comes up to me. It should have been obvious I wasn't interested in him and I do in fact look like a young girl. I get carded everywhere, people flip out when I tell them my real age "I thought you were 17!!" Why is a grown man hitting on me in a Wal-mart? It baffles me.

Why would ANY man come on to ANY girl in ANY store. Guys, we don't like it! At least most of us don't. Girls like my niece LOVE it. They feed on guys coming onto them (as a matter of fact, when she was in creative writing class she was very proud of a story she wrote where that was the plot. It revolved around some guy coming onto her in a supermarket. She was convinced she'd win a Oscar for the screenplay.) Normal girls don't like it. I'm not normal. Not only do I not like it, I detest it. As I mentioned, it makes me feel icky the rest of the day at least.

It makes me wonder if what I'm wearing is wrong. Do I look slutty? Do I look desperate for a date? Maybe I'm screaming "this chick probably never gets men, I can get her to sleep with me easily!" Maybe I'm screaming "woohoo, this has to be a popular ride. Lemme aboard". Maybe these men just need antipsychotics. It's probably a combination of more than one of the above. I was already in the middle of a low self-esteem day, honestly this is all I needed :-p

Posted by vixen at 07:36 AM | Comments (2)

May 15, 2001


Well, it appears that my uncle is coming to visit Thursday night. Normally, I wouldn't mind. I have this sinking feeling, however, that he's going to ask me all sorts of questions I'd rather not be asked and then tell people back at his home how I am. I'm dreading this. I don't want to explain certain things -- I don't want to be looked down upon either. Why can't I just friggin' be left alone for a change? I'd prefer it if most people didn't know I even existed -- at least not now. WTF was the point of skipping the family gatherings if this freaking uncle of mine will ruin it? On top of that, I'm sure my mother e-mails people and talks about me too. I'm just freaking pissed. Damn it all.

Posted by bard at 10:14 PM | Comments (0)

May 14, 2001

Ah damnit...

I was going to complain about something, but I bloody forgot what it was. Bah...when I remember, I'll complain...

Posted by ladyx at 12:57 AM | Comments (0)

May 07, 2001

Do I Excrete some Perv Pheromone or Something?

I won't go into the hows and for who, but I signed up for to give live call in advice (it was only to get bonus $$ the were offering). I signed up under a boring topic in which I thought nobody would call whom I didn't bribe. I had just gotten my 8th call (I needed 10 for the cash) and someone else called up. I thought "must be another online friend" so I answered. Lo and behold, I was greeted with:

"Whut up sexy. You got anymore pictures of you?"
"WESTY?" I exclaimed [inside joke] but alas, it was not dear Westy.

Why in God's name would a pervert call someone offering travel advice? I just don't understand pervs. I never will I guess. For the record, my price for "advice" is now $15 a minute. If you want to pay me $15, you can call me sexy all you want. Just don't expect me to breath photo isn't even good. It SUCKS. If you're going to hit on someone, at least pick someone cute.

Posted by vixen at 07:49 AM | Comments (1)

May 05, 2001

College Gal: A Parody

I noticed that lately this place is becoming even more depressed and down than usual. I also noticed that I haven't posted a parody in quite a while. Do I hear you saying, "Could that be because your parodies suck vix?" Well, yes it is. However, they are better than suicidal "waa, pity me" thoughts (especially from me. My life is great compared to some. No, I'm not referencing my collaborators. I am aware that some people have real problems that are far worse than what the 3 of us gripe about). The real reason that I haven't written any parodies is because it's hard to find something to parody that everyone has heard. I've been told by some idiot on Bagism that the Beatles are more well known than Jesus Christ, so here you go.

In the spirit of my past offerings The Election and 'Twas The Week After Christmas and to the tune of "Nowhere Man", I present to you "College Gal" (please hold applause until the end of the song).

College Gal
(sung to the tune of the Beatles Nowhere Man)
She's a real College Gal
Sitting with her College pals
Failing all her college courses;
Delaying real life.
Doesn't have a backup goal
Where's she's going to, we don't know
isn't that a bit pathetic to see?
College Gal, please listen
You can't afford to waste tuition
College Gal, don't fool yourself. You have no real plans.

You're as dumb as you can be
Can't get past that chemistry.
College Gal, are you awake at all?
College Gal, you're screwed.
Loafing won't pay the bills that's due
Being a professional student until you're 32
isn't a "plan".

Doesn't have a backup goal
Where's she's going to, we don't know
isn't that a bit pathetic to see?
College Gal, please listen
You can't afford your tuition
College Gal, don't fool yourself. You have no real plans.

She's a real College Gal
Sitting with her college pals
Failling all her College courses;
delaying real life.
Failling all her College courses;
delaying real life.
Failling all her College courses
delaying real life.

Hmm, well, now that I read it, it really *isn't* that happy and upbeat. Oh well.

Posted by vixen at 07:51 AM | Comments (2)

My College Post

I suppose I could add something about college seeing how both of my collaborators have.
I'm out for the summer (yay), of course, this being after I failed two courses this past semester (one that I was a mere three points away from getting a C in--the professor was going to override the normal grades if we got a C or better on the final since most students had done poorly on the first two exams; myself included. I was three points away from a C on the exam, therefore, I was three points away from a C in the class). Yes, I'm pissed, but I bloody deserve it, and I know I do. I was doing great for the first half of the semester. Then I just got tired, wanting to get out of there, and everything went downhill. Plus, I had my roommate breathing down my neck blaming me for everything that went wrong in her life, and work at a job that I despised. I had four classes this semester and only passed two (my best grade being a B/A which is the equivalent to an A- or B+), but, like I said, it's my own fault. I'm an example of what Bard was talking about. I wasn't ready for college, either, and my parents forced me into it. Well, I hate it, and I'm doing poorly. I'm not blaming my parents for my shitty grades because that's all under my control, but I do feel that they could've respected my wishes and let me take at least the first semester off. Of course, this was not to be. They were afraid of me losing a scholarship that I earned (it paid $1200/year for schooling), however, I did poorly my first year and lost the scholarship anyway. Since then, it's been a huge struggle getting into it, and even when I find myself doing really well at first, I lose motivation and fall behind. Oh well, it's my damn problem.

Let's face it, I'm a huge failure. I can admit it, and I'm sure my parents are finally coming to this realization, too (they probably still think that I'm purposely trying to get bad grades and fail, though). I'm not smart, and I certainly don't have the looks to get through life as a stripper or a model or something. I can't even figure out a major to declare so, provided I actually passed classes, I could graduate anyway. I want to do Computer Engineering, but that obviously is way out of my league. As of now, I'm a CIS (Computer Information Systems) major since the school that I'm transfering to doesn't offer ECE, and CIS is the closest I can get. I'm transfering to the school here because I can't hack it at the other school. If I can pass some of those excess classes here, then I plan on transfering back, but who knows if that will work, and worse yet, how long will it bloody take me. I want out of college, damnit, I'm sick of it, but I don't want to just quit. I'm too stupid and stubborn to do the right thing and quit. I guess I still feel like I have something to prove, so I want to graduate. If I have to graduate as a bloody spanish major, I will. I don't know why I put so much stock into that damn little piece of paper which probably still won't get me anywhere except for a lovely career as a manager at KFC, but I do. I told you I was stupid :P.

Posted by ladyx at 01:36 AM | Comments (0)

If vix wants happy...

I found a really fun website earlier this morning--the Sex Offender Database! Woo! Now, you and your friends can spend hours of slap-happy fun looking up people in your area to see if they're actually a *registered* pervert! Find friends, enemies, your long-time high school sweetheart, that weird neighbor who always hands out lollipops to twelve year old girls on the street corner, practically anybody! Ask our satisfied customer:

"When I originally found the sexual offender database, I was looking up a man that asked a friend of mine out on a date. I couldn't find him, but I did find a guy that I went to high school with!"--LadyX

Fun at parties, a barrel of laughs at family reunions, and a great ice-breaker for a first date! Don't let the opportunity pass you now, and let the fun begin!

Posted by ladyx at 12:59 AM | Comments (1)

May 04, 2001

Cripes... I haven't been here in a while.

Obviously, this is the first post of mine in a very long time. I guess I haven't had that much to write about -- today is the first time I've even loaded the page since the new design. Which, although somewhat slow on my connection (not the design's fault -- there aren't a zillion pictures or flash intro's or anything), looks very snazzy. Good job Vix!

I guess the main thing that's going on in my "life" (or lack thereof) is that my parents are pressuring me to enroll in a college. Mainly because our insurance plan requires that I be a full-time student for coverage... Oh, and I don't think they want me to be a freeloading bum either.

I'd like to go to college, but just don't feel ready. Really, I've never liked being forced into something. They tried it with piano lessons, they tried it with cubscouts, they tried it with swimming lessons (before I was eager -- I have since learned how to swim), they tried it with the church chorus -- all of which I've detested and failed at. I'm just afraid that if I feel forced into college at this point in time, I'd hate it and thusly not succeed.

Oh well. Hopefully, I'll develop more of a social life in the meantime... then I can actually begin to post something worthwhile. Eh.

Posted by bard at 09:43 PM | Comments (2)