Inside Delirium

October 2009
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
1 2 3
4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15 16 17
18 19 20 21 22 23 24
25 26 27 28 29 30 31




Anti-Bobby Flay Ring

Delirium (di lir` iem) n. a condition of the mind, as during insanity, in which one is restless and keeps thinking and talking wildly.
Home  ·  About Us  ·  Archives

Main | December 2000 »

November 30, 2000

Ever notice? The concepts behind "**** you"

Try an experiment for me: Next time you get pissed, think of a random word. Then, put "you" after it. Say out loud. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Some examples:
spork you
nip you
dip you
toast you
blend you
color you

Whatever the first word, it definately has a profound effect when paired with "you". Bottom line: If it doesn't sound menacing or insulting with "you" trailing it, at least you'll get some odd looks. A classic technique.

Besides, it's damn fun to say "coagulate you" in the middle of a fight. They stop, thinking "What the hell?". That's when you pound 'em.

Posted by bard at 12:36 PM | Comments (0)

Is imitation *really* the sincerest form of flattery?

Yeah, we've all heard that saying. Imitating something or recreating it is supposed to be the most sincere form of flattery out there...but, really, is it? I mean, I know, all greats build on the past, but would you like to have another little you running around; doing everything you do, thinking the same things you think, saying the same things you say all for absolutely no reason whatsoever other than their own insecurities? Well, I'm starting to feel a bit claustrophobic here, and it's driving me insane.
Ok, first off, I came to college to get *away* from home, not to only have a surrogate mother for a roommate. I can't even breathe funny, and I hear a chorus of "are you ok?" If I just don't have a smile on my face, I get "what's wrong?" I wanted some water the other day, but just didn't feel like getting up, and I groaned that under my breath. She said "oh, do you want me to get it for you?" as if I couldn't get up and get it myself. I yelled at her and told her that I'm very capable of standing up on my own two feet, and getting a cold glass of water on my own. She also, one time, asked who was calling me when I was sitting right there one day. It's none of her damn business who calls me. I can understand asking who is calling if she's taking a message, but when I'm sitting right there waiting to take the phone, you DO NOT ask who in the hell is calling me. I enjoy my privacy very much, and would rather I got it instead of having her know every little detail of my everyday life. Grr. I understand, she's just being nice and all, but I can't take it anymore. I just want to be left alone. I don't need somebody to ask me if I'm ok, or if something's wrong all of the time because generally, nothing *is* wrong, and I'm perfectly friggin' fine. If something is wrong, or I'm not feeling well, I do have friends that I can talk to to help cheer me up or whatever. Another thing that pisses me off is when she apologizes constantly. I don't laugh at a joke, and she apologizes for telling it. I don't reply when she asks if I'm ok, and she apologizes. I trip on *my* shoes, and hit my head on the wall, and she apologizes. Damnit, just shut up already! That's something that I hate about this room. There's no way for me to retreat unless I want to lock myself in the bathroom for a few hours until she either goes to class, or just leaves for a while. Since I'm not about to do that, nor am I about to kick her out, I have to just learn to live with it. I don't want to have to learn to live with it...I want to have my freedom! I want to spread my wings and fly, fly, fly away towards the stars and explore the grand universe above...or some other bull like that. Let's face it, all I want is a break, and some time alone.

Alright. Next, I'm going to tackle the whole "yeah, I agree" portion...the "thinking the same things you think" in other words. Everytime I have a contradictory opinion to something she has, she'll just stop and say "that's true," or "yeah, I agree" for no reason whatsoever. One thing I absolutely can't stand is when people agree with me because they think I'll hate them otherwise. I do get a sense of personal satisfaction when I can argue a point with somebody and eventually at least enlighten them enough to think it over, but I hate it when somebody just agrees with me. Being "fake" I guess you could say. I know the only reason why she does it is so I'll accept her. I already do even though I'd rather she just left me alone. I'd give examples, but I'd rather not for fear that more people will want to be like me because I'm just so amazingly cool and all :P.

Ok, now here's where I get to the "wanting to be like me" thing. First it was the agreeing that everything I thought was cool, was. I mean, I had a problem with that from day one when everything I'd say I liked got a "oh, cool so do I!" from her. Every movie that I had (that she saw) was cool, every band that I liked that she knew of was cool...just everything that I liked was cool. I admit, I do kick major arse in the coolness department, but c'mon. Next was the addition of odd-colored streaks in her hair. I know, a lot of people have streaks in their hair, but my roomie had never dyed her hair before, and the first thing she did was do orange streaks...something, in a way, to counteract my currently blacklight yellow ones. At that time, I didn't even give it a second thought, but I did find it odd that that was the first thing she'd ever do. A few days ago, she told me that she had decided to give up pop (or as some people call it...soda :P) claiming that I inspired her to do so (since I gave it up about two weeks ago). She's doing it the exact same way that I did, too; drinking a large amount for a few days, and then quitting cold-turkey. I have been slightly annoyed with that. I do understand that it's better for her health, but there are too many things that she's trying to do now that make me feel uncomfortable with the idea of her quitting it. Now just today, she got a refund check of about $700 from one of her scholarships which, obviously, she was very excited about. You know what she said she was going to buy with it? A guitar. That's right, a guitar. What, you say? "Who cares, *lots* of people own guitars" but she never had the inclination to play one before until she noticed that I had just played mine today. She's willing to blow $700 of her money which could go for *much* more important things (like her credit card bill...and you *know* it's important if I say to give up a musical instrument for a lousy bill. If I got money for food, I'd spend it on music of some sort) on a measly guitar...and I believe...I sincerely believe it's because I have one. I can't understand this. I've spent my entire life trying not to feel awkward about being independant and being my own person. To think for myself, and hopefully help a few others on the way, but I can't stand this idea that somebody feels the need to be exactly like me. I wish she'd just be herself, and let me be me. Perhaps I'm just being paranoid; which is very well possible...maybe I just need an extended break from her, which is obviously true, but I can't shake the feeling that there's something more going on there. I need it to stop, damnit. I'm not the person anybody should want to emulate.

Posted by ladyx at 02:23 AM | Comments (0)

November 29, 2000

Bard shocks world

Somewhere, someplace (AP)

In a stunning move, internet personality "bard" has decided not to write a rant today. Close sources indicate that "bard" has simply run out of ideas. When asked for comment, "bard" denied those rumors.
"No, I am not out of ideas," declared bard. "If I wanted to, I could rant about the whole political mess. Or about tofu. Or how I hate thanksgiving leftovers. But I won't. I am above that. I will not stoop to the low levels of Dan Rather."

Dan Rather could not be reached for comment, but rest assured, he is offended.
Sam Donaldson, however, stepped into defend his friend, saying "Dan Rather is a great anchor. This "bard" character has gone too far. He has no skills to speak of, and yet insults a person who has almost become an American Institution."

Bard then retorted, "Yeah, well. Shave your eyebrow, freak."

Sam Donaldson is now visiting a councellor. It is unclear when he will be mentally fit to resume his work. A crushing blow was delivered by Bard, indeed.

Stay tuned as this saga unfolds...

Posted by bard at 09:38 PM | Comments (0)

November 21, 2000

Blue... what's it to you?

Just wondering -- does anybody actually like those Intel "Blue Men" group commercials for the Pentium III? I sure don't. Modern art pieces of crap. Intel can't seriously expect the average consumer to purchase a computer processor based on that commercial, can they? I mean, it doesn't exactly explain any benefits to owning one as opposed to something from AMD (or other companies). Basically, if somebody doesn't know what it does, why would they bother buying it?

Oh well, maybe I'm just strange.

Posted by bard at 09:39 PM | Comments (1)

November 19, 2000

Very Blendershoe Cellular

Well, basically, I'm a bit ticked off at the phone. More specifically, the annoyoing freaks who insist on terrorizing me with it. Yeah, that's right... the dreaded telemarketer. The scourge of evil. Bah...
Ring, ring. It's the cluephone. Answer it.


"Yeah, Mr. (mispronounces name). I'd like to interrupt your dinner to sell you useless crap. Stuff that you don't need, and things that are otherwise relegated to the world of 3am infomercials."

"Sorry, I can't talk right now. I don't have a phone."

"Excuse me?"

"Listen, I can't talk right now. I don't have a phone."



A winning tactic. Try it sometime.

Ring, ring. Cluephone again, people. Grudgingly answer it.


{recorded message}"Hi, it's Donna. It's been a long time since we've talked, but I have some exciting financial news..."

"Shutup, remove this number from your list!"

{recorded message, oblivious}"about your future. Call me back at my own private number for the exciting information and a personalized reading. And remember, since this is a private line, I'd appriciate if you wouldn't tell your friends about this number."

"I don't fall for reverse psychology, jack@ss. And REMOVE THIS NUMBER FROM YOUR LIST!!"


Apparently, telemarketers like to ignore the law. They are SUPPOSED to actually remove the number. But alas, the request often goes unheard. &*$*!*(!


Ring, Ring.


"Hi, Sue"

"Hi, Jane. How's it going?"

"Pretty well, and you? What are you doing?"

"Oh, not much. Driving down the freeway at 70 miles an hour with one hand on the wheel. Actually, I'm paying more attention to you than the road."

"Sounds boring."

"It is... CRAP!!!"

"What happened?"

"Almost got into an accident. Guy swerved out of my way and into the divider"

"Is he ok?"

"What does it matter? I've got to go now, I'll be there in 10 minutes."



People on the road should NOT be talking on the phone. Do not test Darwin, folks.

One final thing I'd like to ramble about: Sprint PCS. "The CLEAR alternative to cellular." Cripes, don't people realize that it is STILL cellular service they are buying? Can't Sprint be sued for false advertising or something?

Ooops, I have a call waiting. Can you hold on?
{two hours later} Oh? You're still here? Sorry I forgot about you, but geez -- you have no life. Do you really like 80's music that much?

Posted by bard at 10:24 AM | Comments (0)

November 12, 2000

My first post.

Yes, yes. This is my first post. Which means, there will be more posts coming. Scary thought, huh? And, none of them will have any relevent content. Aren't rants great?

Posted by bard at 01:18 AM | Comments (0)

November 02, 2000

Standardize This

Does anyone think standardized tests are reflective of anything? It's just some bureaucrat's sick joke which eventually will ruin your life (trust me). That being said I normally do quite well on them. I won't brag about my ACT or SAT scores (I think it's enough to say they were very, very high, higher than you could ever hope to attain you loser). What I will say is, when I took the ACT and the SAT in High school I was drowned in pamphlets & phone from colleges offering me scholarships and inviting me to come to their school. That was then.

I recently took the MCAT (for those of you out there that lack an education, it stands for Medical College Admission's Test...yes friends, I'm attempting to be a doctor. Be afraid and keep your hands on your kidneys at all times). While I again won't give out my scores, I will say that the only pamphlets I've gotten have been from a school of podiatry, a urologist society and the Navy. The letter basically say "We know you want to be a doctor, does it really matter what kind? A doctor is a doctor after all. The standardized testing gods have deemed you unworthy of choosing your own profession, how about you choose one of these bottom of the barrel careers?"|*|

|*|This is not to diss podiatrists (ok, it look at feet all day! What the hell is wrong with you?) but it makes me wonder if there is really anyone who wants to be a podiatrist. I've never really thought about it much but I guess I always assumed the guy who scrubs the calluses off old women's feet choose that career. I never considered that he was forced to because he "eeny meeny miney moed" his way to wrong answer on a standardized test while the neurosurgeon down the street happened to guess correct. Where is the justice? |*|

|*|Face it folks, everyone guesses on at least 50% of the questions on these tests. What they basically show you is not who is better or who is worse, but who is the best guesser. I think putting all "Cs" down the column would be just as good as actually reading the pamphlet. I'm trying that next time.

Posted by vixen at 11:47 PM | Comments (0)