Inside Delirium

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Anti-Bobby Flay Ring

Delirium (di lir` iem) n. a condition of the mind, as during insanity, in which one is restless and keeps thinking and talking wildly.
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May 05, 2001

My College Post

I suppose I could add something about college seeing how both of my collaborators have.
I'm out for the summer (yay), of course, this being after I failed two courses this past semester (one that I was a mere three points away from getting a C in--the professor was going to override the normal grades if we got a C or better on the final since most students had done poorly on the first two exams; myself included. I was three points away from a C on the exam, therefore, I was three points away from a C in the class). Yes, I'm pissed, but I bloody deserve it, and I know I do. I was doing great for the first half of the semester. Then I just got tired, wanting to get out of there, and everything went downhill. Plus, I had my roommate breathing down my neck blaming me for everything that went wrong in her life, and work at a job that I despised. I had four classes this semester and only passed two (my best grade being a B/A which is the equivalent to an A- or B+), but, like I said, it's my own fault. I'm an example of what Bard was talking about. I wasn't ready for college, either, and my parents forced me into it. Well, I hate it, and I'm doing poorly. I'm not blaming my parents for my shitty grades because that's all under my control, but I do feel that they could've respected my wishes and let me take at least the first semester off. Of course, this was not to be. They were afraid of me losing a scholarship that I earned (it paid $1200/year for schooling), however, I did poorly my first year and lost the scholarship anyway. Since then, it's been a huge struggle getting into it, and even when I find myself doing really well at first, I lose motivation and fall behind. Oh well, it's my damn problem.

Let's face it, I'm a huge failure. I can admit it, and I'm sure my parents are finally coming to this realization, too (they probably still think that I'm purposely trying to get bad grades and fail, though). I'm not smart, and I certainly don't have the looks to get through life as a stripper or a model or something. I can't even figure out a major to declare so, provided I actually passed classes, I could graduate anyway. I want to do Computer Engineering, but that obviously is way out of my league. As of now, I'm a CIS (Computer Information Systems) major since the school that I'm transfering to doesn't offer ECE, and CIS is the closest I can get. I'm transfering to the school here because I can't hack it at the other school. If I can pass some of those excess classes here, then I plan on transfering back, but who knows if that will work, and worse yet, how long will it bloody take me. I want out of college, damnit, I'm sick of it, but I don't want to just quit. I'm too stupid and stubborn to do the right thing and quit. I guess I still feel like I have something to prove, so I want to graduate. If I have to graduate as a bloody spanish major, I will. I don't know why I put so much stock into that damn little piece of paper which probably still won't get me anywhere except for a lovely career as a manager at KFC, but I do. I told you I was stupid :P.

Posted by ladyx at May 5, 2001 01:36 AM

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