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Anti-Bobby Flay Ring

Delirium (di lir` iem) n. a condition of the mind, as during insanity, in which one is restless and keeps thinking and talking wildly.
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April 05, 2001

Vixen: Dotcomanatrix

Everybody has one, 90% of them should be destroyed. Yes friends, I speak of web sites. The web gives everyone, no matter how stupid and insignificant they are, 15 minutes of fame. I know that taste is subjective. You could be reading this and thinking to yourself "This chick should talk, this site ain't all that." While you should be shot for using the term "all that", I would have to agree that one could have that opinion of this site. However, there are some common sense and COMMON DECECNY morays that this site does not violate.

Subjective tastes or not, there is no way in hell anyone outside of mental ward can think yellow text on an orange background looks good. There is no way anyone can think psycedelic patterned backgrounds that absorb the text of a page are a wonderful idea (ok, to be honest here, I think they are a good idea in most cases. Most of the morons who use them also TyPe LiKe ThIs and lust for the Backstreet Boys. I'd rather be spared of reading that). Use common sense people!

I propose we set up an international counsel for the World Wide Web. I'll graciously volunteer to be the head of the operation. In order to get a "home page" you will have to fill out an application, undergo a credit check, go for an interview . . . pretty much what you would have to do in order to rent an apartment.

Some of the rules of this new commission:
1. No AOLers (unless under special circumstance).
Most of the worst netizens I know are AOLers, but there are a few people who are cruelly stuck on AOL and have no other option. We won't break this rule often, I suggest you get a new ISP (move if you have to).

2. All webmaster must know HTML.
Most webmasters nowadays don't even know the plug and suck editors actually write pages in HTML. Theyve never even heard of HTML. Hell, I once had a kid give me his URL in a chat room and then say "I don't know how to get on the Internet. What is the address?" Under my reign this will not be allowed.

3. You must study and memorize the color wheel before applying.
If you havent heard of complementary colors you will be banned. My eyes don't need the torture of straining to see, "EYE LUV LANCE!!" written in turquoise on a yellow background. Also, if you are going to use a background image, you will be forced to wallpaper it in your room and live with it for at least one year before you do. This will cut back on some of the trash, however blow ups of Lances face will still be popular. See step four on how to eliminate this.

4. You must undergo a series of psychological tests to make sure you are sane and competent.

If you identify any inkblot as any member of any boy bad, you will be killed. If one of the adjectives you choose is "not that innocent" you will be beaten and then killed.

These rules are just a start. I'm sure that as I feel out my role as Dotcominatrix, I will discover new areas that need to be dominated. Happy HTMLing!

Posted by vixen at April 5, 2001 07:54 AM

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