Inside Delirium

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Anti-Bobby Flay Ring

Delirium (di lir` iem) n. a condition of the mind, as during insanity, in which one is restless and keeps thinking and talking wildly.
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January 21, 2001

Do these pants make me look, like, fat or something?

As anybody who has talked to me knows, I've been struggling with my weight for the longest time now. I've finally started dropping some poundage (about 25, actually), but now it seems as if I'm stuck. I went out yesterday looking for some new clothes to wear for when I go to my boyfriend's house...needless to say, I was pissed off something fierce.
I don't get it. I walk my arse off on this stupid campus, yet I'm barely dropping weight. I gave up pop and most refined sugars (candy, other drinks with excess empty calories, etc), I don't eat much at all, and I walk like I don't know what. Still, nothing, it seems. Why the hell doesn't it drop off faster? I'm sick and tired of being a fat@ss. I walk up the huge hills on the campus, and see all of these skinny little girls panting and pushing themselves, yet I can make it up with absolutely no problems whatsoever...why the hell am *I* the fat one? I admit, there is some muscle on me, however, the majority of it isn't muscle...I'm not one of these people who just wants to claim that their flab is actually just muscle, and they're really quite fit. Nope, I'll flat out admit to being fat. Why should I even care? Maybe it was because of the years of being called an elephant, pig, horse, and "one ugly b*tch" by the freak@sses that I went to school with. I admit, I'd like to be the stereotype female with the "perfect" little hourglass figure. I have curves, no doubt about it; they're more like wide turns, though. I should start wearing a sign on my back that says "caution: Wide Right Turns" to make sure that nobody gets close enough.

Aside from my weight, another complaint of mine stems from when I was out shopping today. Why in the hell are all of the pants out now made out of stretch material? Since when have stretch-pants *ever* looked good on somebody? Even the tiny-figured girls look like crap wearing them...I'm not saying they should wear something big and baggy, but geez, those things just look tacky and gross. All I wanted was a pair of big, baggy, black khakis. That's it. Know how many pairs I found? None. Oh, I found black khakis in my size (16 for all who need to know :P), but they're all that form-fitting crap...if I wanted my boyfriend to see my form, I'd wear the stretch pants, now wouldn't I? I want something loose, baggy, and comfortable...of course, and black; which is my favorite color. I tried on about seven pairs of pants and found absolutely nothing. I even tried to go about it from the "buy something two sizes too big, and wear a belt" route, but I couldn't find any of those, either. I don't get it, I can find myself a pair of very nice vinyl pants two sizes bigger than what I take which I can wear with a belt, yet I can't find any kind of khakis? Shouldn't vinyl basically be reserved for the ultra-thin girlies and have other pants be made for people of all shapes and sizes? Some of you may wonder why they have to be khakis...well, I want to make a good impression on him when I get there. I want to look as presentable as I possibly can, and I feel an occasion like this deserves a little better dress code than just my baggy carpenter jeans with the frayed bottoms, and my bleach-spotted black "Feelings Are Good" t-shirt. He doesn't care what I wear; *I* want to look nice for him.

That, also prompts another rant...where do our standards come from exactly? Should everybody strive deseperately to achieve "perfection" only to be accepted physically by both their friends and strangers alike? Maybe if people would quit the "oh, she has such a fine ass, mmm mmm...not huge like that fat chick's over there...let's go make fun of her because she's trying to be invisible, ha ha!" there wouldn't be so many women starving themselves until death, puking their guts out until they have no teeth left due to their stomach acid wearing them down to little stubs of nothing, or jumping on the treadmill for 4 hours everyday just because hey, society says 'I'm too fat'. There's nothing wrong with being thin, taking care of yourself, and exerciseing...hell, that's something I want to achieve myself...but the extreme measures have got to go. Wake up, people, and smell the Phenphen.

Posted by ladyx at January 21, 2001 02:07 AM

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