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Anti-Bobby Flay Ring

Delirium (di lir` iem) n. a condition of the mind, as during insanity, in which one is restless and keeps thinking and talking wildly.
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January 06, 2001


One of my on-line friends (we'll call him Lesty to keep it anonymous &#60;waves to Lesty who knows this URL, although I doubt he checks it. Apparently we don't exactly fall into his favorite reading category&#62;) recently said to me "Oh, here's a journal of interest" and then quoted pages of this chick's sex diary and said "I really like this diary because she talks about sex and asks for advice". So is that what it takes to sell this thing? Talk of sex? Well here you go then! You can learn all about my wants and desires and how to please me. Be a sex god and read on!

For starters, in order to please a woman like myself you need not talk of sex non-stop. As a matter of fact, don't ever bring it up (pun intended). As for thinking that comparing female masturbation to tickling is a clever analogy, ick ick ick ick ick ick ick ick ick. In other words, I would rather NEVER EVER EVER EVER think of my female friends masturbating or tickling or whatever the hell they do in the privacy of their own rooms. That is one the reasons they call it privacy. Same goes for male friends. If one of them came up to me and said "Hey there, I just masturbated five minutes ago, you want to have lunch?" I would run in horror and lock myself in a storm cellar somewhere.

What is it about guys and masturbation? They all seem to think we girls get aroused by their "problem" (and yes boys, some of you do have a problem). Let me take you back to yesteryear (ok, a few months ago) when some guy had a loud discussion behind me in class about him getting his little thing going while he was asleep. He mentioned loudly how turned on his girlfriend was by it. .. Please! Come on. First of all, sharing this with 50 people is just sick and secondly, I'm sure she was really really turned on by the fact that you paid more attention to your hand than to her. On second thought, if he were my boyfriend I might be somewhat aroused by the fact that he wasn't bothering me. Maybe then I could flee the bedroom and the country without any messy break-ups.

Guys, drop it! If you do it, that's great and fine. I really don't care and I'm sure it's perfectly healthy. However, don't share! Don't talk about it class. Don't brag about it online. Don't TALK ABOUT IT AT ALL. It's not a turn on for us like it is for you. Yes guys, I know, all girls know. The talk of a girl doing the same thing makes you all hot and can it not have the same effect when a guy talks about it to a girl? Here's the reason: Most of you are hormone driven horndogs obsessed with the female body. We aren't all that obsessed with yours. Don't get me wrong, a nice sweaty naked man shining elegantly in the moon light is a fine thing, but look down a bit boys. It's not a pretty site. The thought of it doesn't fill me with glee and happiness.

Oh well, I lost my train of thought. I'll give more sex advice in a later entry I'm sure, but right now I'm just really pissed at the guys who sat behind me in class. I guess in closing I'll simply say, leave what you do in your bedroom between you and whoever you do with. For the sake of all humanity!! Have a nice day :-p

Posted by vixen at January 6, 2001 06:43 AM

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