Inside Delirium

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Anti-Bobby Flay Ring

Delirium (di lir` iem) n. a condition of the mind, as during insanity, in which one is restless and keeps thinking and talking wildly.
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March 12, 2001

Weekend in Review.

Hey, Louis... you probably don't want to read this. I complain about some stuff that happened this weekend. I must admit I'm improving, however, since I also have some positive things to discuss as well. I await your feedback, and am also considering starting a "user participation" thread.

On to my weekend... (somewhat longwinded description to follow)

Friday morning, I wake up. My ear still hasn't improved, though I can't say the infection has gotten any worse. Trudge through until evening. Friend calls and invites me to see a movie. I accept. $7 was surely wasted as I didn't care much for the film. It didn't help things that the entire middle school seemed to be crammed in there. Laser pointers, people running around, chairs being kicked, and people who insist on talking, etc are not condusive to a good theater experience.

After the film (listen up, Louis, this is one of the positive parts), my friend and I go to get a drink of water. As I'm taking a sip, he comments "f*#&ing b@stards" in regards to the rugrats. This cracks me up, and I can't help but to spit water out. Some also comes out of my nose, which causes him to do the same. After five minutes of uncontrolled laughter, I finally regain my composure.

I seek out the manager, and explain why I was not satisfied. Their best offer? "Come back tommorrow and watch it for free". I think not; chances are, the same type kids will be there, the movie wasn't all that good, and I really wished I hadn't spent my $7 bucks. Instead of complaining further, however, I took the ticket, said thanks, and vowed not to come back again.
Friend spends the night at my house, and we both fall asleep while watching a movie on tv; I can't even remember what it was called.

Saturday, I should title "Things you should avoid if you don't like pain" or "How not to hurt yourself". (Louis, I'm not complaining in this part; rather, I actually had fun, despite the injury or risk of injury.)

Somehow, the conversation had gotten around to penmanship. So, I took a piece of chalk and began writing the alphabet on the blackboard rather sloppily. I then began to sing the alphabet song really off key. During this time, I slip into "idiot savant" mode and decide to smack my head into the blackboard. Um, well, I didn't intend to hit it *that* hard. Not enough to cause any serious injury, I crack up again. Advice to readers: Hitting head is not a good idea.

Eventually, I find an old bag containing my "matchbox" cars (turns out most were generics, but since I was young at the time, I never knew the difference nor did I care). Friend and I construct some ramps, and crash them. Eventually discuss plans for an ultra-cheesy "movie" which was to be recorded with a webcam. Thankfully, neither one of us decided it was a good idea. Oh well; I guess my directorial debut will have to wait. (And I'm sure you're all tha
nkful for that, I subject you to enough weirdness here.)

So then I find an AOHell cd. What better to do than destroy it. But wait, what's this? Inside the bag that contained the cars, I also find some toy soldiers. Hmm... I also remember the old humidifier motor I have...


(What do you readers think I did?)

*space to think*

*keep thinking*

*or stop thinking*

*chances are you've skipped this part already*

*or if you haven't, you're thinking about skipping it*

*spoiler space continues*

*spoiler space ends*

Well... that spoiler space left something to be desired. And I wonder how many of you came up with the answer? Probably none of you, unless you had seen the motor. Eh, I wasted time there, didn't I?

It just so happens that the cd fits on top of the motor quite well (I have previously destroyed cd's in this manner by scratching them). So, I attach
the toy soldiers to the cd and place the cd on the humidifier. Turn motor on.
Whirl. Buzz. Oh, it's spinning. Whirl. Buzz. Buzz. Whirl. Pretty colors. Whirl. Buzz. SHIT! Toy soldiers instantly turn into freakin' fast projectiles. I nearly get impaled. Apparently I didn't use enough tape to secure the soldiers. Or, Mr. Tan and Mr. Green have something against me. Maybe they are bitter for having seen their friends killed in the glorious battles of my youth. They could be resentful that nobody really plays with them anymore, having been replaced by the "Army Men" series of computer games. Whatever.

Lessons learned: Things that spin fast, fly fast when released. Make sure possible projectiles are secured well. Also make sure that you have something available to protect yourself from the projectile.

Saturday continues, and gross popsicles becomes the topic of discussion. Such flavors as ketchup (yup, I actually got a friend to try one -- you should've seen his face...), mushroom soup & garlic, soy sauce and lemon juice, cheese whiz and chocolate chip, etc are discussed. Business plans are put on hold; venture capitalists do not think product will be sucessful. I plead my case that "This product will target the masochistic portion of the population." Still denied. I give up.

Eventually friend leaves, and I resume my boring day.
Boring day continues through sunday. Nothing notable happens (except that I've come to the realization that 20 pickup sticks is hardly enough to play a worth while game -- I should probably buy a couple hundred more), and my ear has not improved. Being that Fri-Sun are the typical weekend days, you'd think this rant would be over? Well, lucky you... have a brief monday bonus.

Monday, 11 am EST: Go to offices of doctor. He looks in both ears. Prescribes 10 ear drops, twice a day... for the ear that doesn't bother me? Fine, I guess... I don't have the ability to look inside my own ears and even if I did, I wouldn't know what to be looking for. Just seems odd to me.

Sorry this rant took so long. I thank you if you actually bothered to read this. Have a cookie. (You too, Louis... you have helped me see the light and become nicer! [snicker])

So um...


Posted by bard at March 12, 2001 09:47 PM

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