June 02, 2001
I Detect Masturbatory Overtones
An "interesting" question was posted on the Bagism letterbox web board which I frequent, pondering on whether or not many females partake in the infamous ritual of "double clicking their own mouse". Honestly, I can't believe that some of those people admitted, on a public forum such as that (a John Lennon website), that they did. At least now I know whose hands not to shake if I ever meet them in person.
I don't know which disgusts me the most: the fact that the question was asked, or the fact that some of these girls actually admit to it. Admittedly, I replied to the post giving my take on the whole thing (where I said I find it disgusting, and therefore, do not masturbate, and the only girl that has admitted to me that she has was my ex-roommate from this year since the question was "how many do"), of course, it all was preceeded by the ever useful "umm...eeewww". Afterwards, one jerkass took it upon himself to post under the topic that nobody admitted to it, but all claim to know somebody who does. Seeing how I was the only person who did say this, and this guy and I have a history (he wished I would die, bwahahahaha...I kicked his ass in an argument about it afterwards, too, and he's still sore, so he tried to pick the fight with me), I assumed he was referring to me. Of course, he was wrong since there were girls that had admitted it in the thread, but I digress. I posted a reply to him telling him that I'd be more than happy to give him my ex-roomie's livejournal address so he could read it for himself, and that not *everybody* in this world requires orgasms for survival. I'm assuming now he'll come up with the "ooh, you protested, you must be guilty" excuse, but I don't care--I just feel like fighting.
What is so hard to believe about somebody (be they male or female) not fiddling with their privates? Why is it that, if you say you don't, you're automatically branded as somebody who just won't admit it due to embarassment? Granted, there are people who do wax their gizmos and don't admit to it (I have more respect for those people who have shame than those who declare it on public forums), however, that doesn't mean that everybody who says "no" actually does, but denies it; either way, it's none of their business. Anybody who knows me would tell you that I'm really not a very sexual person. I'll tell pervy jokes with the rest of them, but that still doesn't mean that I'm the type of person who would preach the word of self-exploration, mirror-squatting, and groin-tickling. My roommate was. She used to tell me more things than I really cared to know about her, all for no reason whatsoever other than the fact that she was sore about not getting any. It just ain't my thing, and it certainly isn't something I'd share with anybody or bring up as part of a conversation.
All in all, if somebody wants to masturbate, that's fine with me, I just don't want to know. I won't hold it against them if I think they do because they're in the privacy of their own homes, and not trying to get me to join in, but if you admit to it, don't be surprised if, the next time you try to touch me, I run away screaming.
Posted by ladyx at June 2, 2001 12:52 AM
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"Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!"
wow, you're fucked up.